Category: Sad Cat Diary

Inspiration from http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PKffm2uI4dk

Gone Kitty

Our cat Coco gave us one hell of a scare on Sunday. She is an extremely timid and quiet cat. She runs and hides at the smallest noises. That said, though, in times of danger she gets aggressive. She is also the kind of cat that wants to explore the ‘hood, which we try limit her ability to do. She has only ever explored our complex, however, and has never made it out into the big, wide world. Frankly, she wouldn’t cope.  (more…)

Sad Cat Diary Entry #8

Dear Diary,

Over the weekend, my sister Chloe came walking outside with a clear bag filled with my green weakness: Nepeta cataria.   The ‘nip.

We ripped the bag open and suddenly everything became bright and fuzzy.  I watched Chloe rolling around in the ‘nip in slow-mo.  I could vividly hear the birds tweeting, the dogs barking, the authorities laughing.

I kept pawing at the ‘nip but it seemed so far away.  I started contemplating things.  Who is my creator?  Who is my real mother (not this female authority imposter)?  What is life?

My sister started staring at me funny, and she wouldn’t stop – but every time I looked at her, she’d quickly look away.  This was unacceptable.  So, I did what any reasonable feline would do, and I tried to kill her.

Sincerely,

Coco

Sad Cat Diary Entry #7

Dear Diary,

Our attempts to befriend the authorities have all been for naught.  Just when I thought we were making progress at creating a friendship, those hopes were thrown in my face.

Yesterday, the female authority complained that it was cold and went to close the door despite my requests that it be kept open throughout the year, come rain or shine.  She locked me outside in the process while I was staying camouflaged in the bushes.  I galloped to the door and re-enacted ‘Puss in Boots’ eyes which she took no notice of.  All I knew to do then was sing the song of my people in an effort to call on my ancestors and be liberated from this torture.

The fact that the window was open and available to me meant nothing.  In protest, I later caught a rather sizable arthropod and left it at the foot of her bed.

Sincerely,

Chloe

chloe

Sad Cat Diary Entry #6

Dear Diary,

The authorities thought that this last weekend was a good time to ABANDON us, while we starved and fought for our lives in amongst the flies, birds and lizards.

Chloe and I knew that we had to show solidarity in our fight against these maniacs.  Chloe took to ripping the rolls of toilet paper to shreds.  I needed something bigger.  Something that would make a statement.

Early this morning, while the female authority was sleeping, I went to eat lots of grass until I felt sick.  I then quickly ran into the room and vomited right in front of her face.  The look on her face when she woke up to my regurgitation?  Priceless.

Sincerely,

Coco

Sad Cat Diary Entry #5

Dear Diary,

It was dark, the wind was howling, it was cold.  It was midnight.  All our plans culminated into this one moment.  The authorities had forgotten the kitchen window open..

Coco kept watch while I quietly climbed from one counter to the next until I reached the window.  I slowly climbed onto the ledge.  I was on the threshold.  I slowly reached my small but nimble front paws out and down the window, and just as I was about to slide out and escape, the female authority let out an ear-deafening scream.  The next thing I knew, I was swept back into the house, the window was slammed shut, and she patted my bum mockingly.  It all happened so fast.

It turns out my own sister failed me by getting distracted and chasing after a bug which ultimately turned out to be a hairband.  This woke the female authority up and she came to investigate.  My sorrow tells me that I may have to just accept my fate.  I will never escape these cruel human beings with bad singing voices and smelly feet.  Never.

Sincerely,

Chloe

chloe

 

Sad Cat Diary Entry #4

Dear Diary,

It has come to my attention that the authorities have limbs that can stretch – however, when I lie down two meters away from them pleading for rubs, they say they cannot ‘reach’.  Either they are extremely cruel, or just extremely stupid.

It seems they tried to abandon us yet again over the weekend.  Chloe attempted to end her suffering by strangulation.  As some sort of sick joke, it turns out the authorities had fitted Chloe with a dummy collar that released during the suicide attempt.  Her next try will be to drown herself in the toilet bowl.

The authorities have built a new bed for us in the form of a table which it seems they want to eat at too.  It is too high and jumping up onto it takes a lot of effort.  I have taken to vomiting on it numerous times to show my disgust.  I am now hungry once more.

Sincerely,

Coco

Sad Cat Diary Entry #3

Dear Diary,

174 days since our capture.  It seems freedom is moving ever further away from us.

Lately, there has been a clear fluid falling from the sky.  It makes the ground slippery, and my paws dirty.  I don’t enjoy it.  I feel it is a ploy by the authorities to ruin our time on this sad earth, as they force us to go outside to make peepee.

I refuse to be pressured to subject my sensitive paws to such conditions.  I have taken to peeing on the blanket in an act of defiance.

Sincerely,

Chloe

Sad Cat Diary Entry #2

Dear Diary,

As Chloe is wracked by depression and anger, I have taken to writing the happenings in this hellhole.  Her spirit is breaking.

I’m afraid things have only gotten worse at the compound.  It has been 167 days since our capture. The authorities have started toying with us.  They let us out to escape the other day, but our efforts were thwarted as they had malevolently strapped us into a piece of fabric which meant we couldn’t escape.  What is this trickery?

They laughed with evil the entire time.  Chloe tried to shred the male authority’s jugular, but failed in her efforts.  Chloe has also started regular meowing screams in an effort to burst the eardrums of the authorities.  We will keep trying.

Yours Truly,

Coco

Sad Cat Diary Entry # 1

Dear Diary,

My Sister, Coco and I, have been living with the Authorities for just over 5 months now.  It has been an arduous time.  They take pleasure in mind games – just as I go in to attack and murder a twitching feather on a string, it is pulled away from under my nose.  They find this ‘funny’.  These people are sick.

After what felt like forever, they finally opened a window for my sister and I to go outside.  Escape plans are underway as we speak.  Coco and I meet once a week planning each step – usually while the Authorities are asleep.  We can only trust that they are truly asleep when the male Authority is snoring.  Twice, we nearly made it out of this hellhole, but the female Authority found us in the act.  Back to the drawing board.

In an act of defiance, we ate the male Authority’s chicken for breakfast this morning.  Perhaps starvation will kill him off quicker than our attempts at suffocation.

Sincerely,

Chloe